Boot Camp, Day One: … and Then There’s the Toddler Yoga Experience

(With a title like that, you already know the punchline.  Keep reading, anyway.)

Today is Day One of Boot Camp 2012.

This is the warmest, fuzziest, nicest boot camp picture I’ve ever seen. (Credit: WikiCommons)

Two weeks, two workouts a day (morning and evening), Monday through Friday, with Saturday as a make-up day.

This morning I did my first workout – and can call it a success. Because…

1.  I remembered to purchase needed equipment ahead of time.

Remember how I have NO MONEY right now?  Yes?  Then you’ll appreciate my awesome finds at St. Vinnie’s:


Cost:  99 cents a piece.


Dude, my back is totally worth $1.98.

2.  I also remembered to show up.  Woo-woo!

The alarm rang at five this morning, waking up my should-still-be-sleeping son and my now-not-sleeping husband, left them to cry together, said my prayers, sat down at the computer to write (as always), scanned my Twitter feed instead (typical), and then took my hysterical non-sleeping son from my exhausted husband.

Oh, yeah.

Boot camp today.

And we remembered to get busy:

3.  I’m learning to be flexible.

I tried to run my brand-spankin’-new yoga DVD (that only cost me 99 cents?  Did I mention that?) from my computer from on top of the kitchen counter (i.e. out of someone’s reach), but ubuntu and the three programs I tried to run it on didn’t want to play nice with my DVD.

So we had to switch to Dreaded Television.  With its cords and buttons at Toddler Height.

4.  You wouldn’t believe how great a mom I am, engaging and involving my son in this process.

Minute 6 of DVD:  “No-No.  Don’t touch.”
Minute 9:  “No-No.  Don’t touch.”
Minute 17:  “Give that to Mommy.”
Minute 19:  “No-No.”
Minute 21:  “Ben, NO. Go play.”

5.  In exercise, I am discovering the core meaning and purpose of my life.

“Dirty,” my son says to me at  Minute 30 of my workout.

“Are you poopy?”  I ask.  I pull his thick cloth diaper back as best I can and peek. “No, not poopy.”

I check the front.  “Not wet, either.”

He toddles off.  I resume my place in the workout,
breathing deeply…
standing on all four corners of my feet…
reconnecting with my inner core…
the spirit of my being…
(or something orthodoxly Catholic, because I’m no align-my-chakra kind of gal)…
I bring my hands to my heart, and…

Poo.  I smell poo.  On my hands.

I may not have seen poo, but its pungent aroma penetrates anything that comes within inches of it.

Ahh… my inner core.  Smells great.

5.  Through exercise, I discover my personal limits.

At Minute 31, I was back to my workout….
clean diapers all around…
washed hands at heart…
to my knees….
into Child’s Pose…
and then…

“Have you seen my keys?”

Pause the DVD.
Look for Mom’s keys.
Pray to St. Anthony.
Look for keys upstairs.  Downstairs.  Behind furniture.
Pray to St. Anthony again.
Find keys inside a gift bag sitting on the counter.
Take the above picture for the blog.
Run over and tell Ben No-NO, do NOT pull those cords out.
Turn off TV.  Turn off DVD.  We’re done.

Thirty-one minutes is as good as it gets.

And that’s my successful start to the 2012 Boot Camp. 

Care to join me?
Want to comment on your own exercise regime, or lack-there-of?
Have some exercise advice you’d like to share?
Want to make a case for being a couch potato?
Leave a note or a link in the combox!

(Though, if you say or link to something inappropriate, I’ll delete it.  You’ve been warned.)